Treasure Valley Tres Dias
Secretariat Meeting Notes November 17, 2017 Board members in attendance: Jerod Odoms, Bob Steckley, Judy Barnes, Jean Hershey, Adele Crownover, Don Crownover, Angie Meyer and Chrystle Fuentes Board members not in attendance: Ron Hershey and Pastor Cates Non board members in attendance: Jimmy Looney, Laura Tompkins and Don Meyer 1) Call to order by Jerod Odoms 2) Prayer – Given by Jimmy Looney 3) Minutes, additions/corrections and approval – Emailed out Don Crownover motioned to approve Minutes, Chrystle Fuentes 2nded the motion and all members present approved. 4) Treasurer’s Report – Bob Steckley presented Treasurers report with a total deposits of $37. The deposits from sequela offering. Disbursements of $1307.39. This was for reimbursement international trip (delegate Sara) and rent for church. Making the ending balance of $2845.86 and bank balance of$ 2895.86 (two checks have not been posted) Don Crownover motioned to accept, 2nded by Judy Barnes and all members present approved. 5) Old Business a. Updated Team Manual is done. b. Hosting an international Jerod has information and will share and continue to pray. c. Liability insurance policy packet came. Question about covering officers/directors. Jerod will check into this. d. Web Hosting, bill is due November 15th It is $96 a year. Motion made to continue by Chrystle Fuentes, 2nded by Don Crownover and all members present approved. Jean Hershey will pay the Web Hosting with pay pal account. 6) New Business a. Men’s weekend update: Ron Hershey was not present. Vice Jimmy Looney gave update. Things are moving forward. Concern that there will not be enough workers, but Ron is very confident God will provide. b. Women’s weekend update: Teresa Waynetska was not present. Vice Laura Tompkins gave update. Things are moving along good. Had our first craft night. Also sent out Mins for first team meeting. c. Jerod Odoms gave Vice Rector and Rectora a pep talk. d. Judy Barnes her first video conference as a delegate on policies and procedures. 7) Round Table Discussion a. Sequela for December 3rd at Payette Methodist church. Theme is bring your favorite finger food. b. Pilgrim’s Guide is what page 14 and 21 are: Jerod found it so now we know it is prayers. We can use if we would like. c. Discussion: on how team and candidate application getting to the pre-weekend committee. Bob Steckley will be the team member tracking candidate/team application fees. d. Discussion: how better can we include the Aberdeen members? (Sequela, craft night and go to church with them) are some ideas. e. Reunion Groups: how are they doing? Men meet weekly at Payette Methodist church. (It is a combination of Tres Dias men and church members). Donna Batt has a group that meets the first Thursday of the month and Chrystle Fuentes has one that meets every other Wednesday. 8) Don Crownover Motioned to close the meeting, 2nd by Bob Steckley and all members present approved. 9) Closing prayer- Bob Steckley
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Treasure Valley Tres Dias Secretariat Meeting Notes October 20, 2017 Board members in attendance: Jerod Odoms, Bob Steckley, Judy Barnes, Pastor Jerry Cate, Ron Hershey Angie Meyer and Chrystle Fuentes Board members not in attendance: Jean Hershey, Adele and Don Crownover. Non board members in attendance: Teresa Waynetska, Sarah Odoms and Don Meyer 1) Call to order by Jerod Odoms 2) Prayer – Given by Pastor Cates 3) Minutes, additions/corrections and approval – Emailed out Judy Barnes motioned to approve Minutes, Ron Hershey 2nded the motion and all members present approved. 4) Treasurer’s Report – Bob Steckley presented Treasurers report with a total deposits of $524.00. The deposits were donations for delegate costs to travel to Tres Dias international. Making the ending balance of $4116.25 and bank balance of$ 4092.25. Ron Hershey motioned to accept, 2nded by Angie Meyer and all members present approved. 5) Old Business a. Update on Team manual. Jerod is getting the digital version Peggy and will have it updated by the first team meeting. 6) New Business a. Men’s weekend update: Ron Hershey – things are good and have peace. Spiritual directors are in place. b. Women’s weekend update: Teresa Waynetska- Bill Hass declined as spiritual director and Donna Buckley, she has not heard back from. c. Team Meeting Dates bought forth for approval. November 4th 10-2 Lunch will be provided January 20th 9-12 February 24th 9-12 March 17th 9-3 Lunch will be provided April 14th 9-12 Chrystle Fuentes motioned to approve, 2nd by Judy Barnes and all members present approved. d. Report from Sarah Odoms, Teresa Waynetska and Judy Barnes about trip to international. Proxy to vote for update to weekend Questor passed – This means that the weekend ends after apostolic hour. So no change for us. Judy Barns is now a voting member of international polices committee. e. Delegates cost to go to international: Delegate is Sarah Odoms and the total cost was $1257.39. 7) Round Table Discussion a. Sequela for November and December: due to the fact that the November Sequela falls on Thanksgiving weekend and Decembers falls on Christmas Eve. It was motioned to be combined the two and have the Sequels on December 3rd. Chrystle Fuentes motion to except, 2nd by Ron Hershey and all members present approved. b. Discussion: Fund raising for to help with funding delegate going to international. Selling t-shirts with Tres Dias cross. Jerod is checking into copy write issues, if there is any. c. Discussion about hosting an international meeting in our area in about 3 years. It will be brought before our community at the Sequela for their input. Be in prayer about this. d. Jerod Odoms would like the two Vice Rectors to attend the Secretariat Meeting next time to see how they are doing. Chrystle Fuentes Motioned to close the meeting, 2nd by Ron Hershey and all members present approved. 8) Closing prayer- Pastor Cate Treasure Valley Tres Dias
Secretariat Meeting Notes September 15, 2017 Board members in attendance: Jerod Odoms, Jean Hershey, Bob Steckley, Judy Barnes, Pastor Jerry Cate, Adele Crownover, Angie Meyer and Chrystle Fuentes Board members not in attendance: Ron Hershey, Don Crownover Non board members in attendance: Teresa Waynetska 1) Call to order by Jerod Odoms 2) Prayer – Given by Pastor Cates 3) Minutes, additions/corrections and approval – Emailed out Jean Hershey motioned to approve Minutes, Judy Barnes 2nded the motion and all members present approved. 4) Treasurer’s Report – Bob Steckley presented Treasurers report with three checks being wrote. Check #1129 to Teresa Waynetka, for the Post Office Box, in the amount of $64.00. Check #1130 to Tres Deas International, for Dues, in the amount of $140.00.Check # 1131 to Payette Methodist Church, for church rental, in the amount of $25.00. Deposit of $30.00. With an ending balance of $3592.25 after these disbursements and deposit. Chrystle Fuentes motioned to accept, 2nded by Ablele Crownover and all members present approved. 5) Old Business a. Review the potential changes to Team Manual regarding pre –weekend committee after discussion. Member chose Pre-weekend Committee is comprised of Men’s leader, Women’s Leader and Treasurer. Judy Barnes motioned to accept, 2nded by Angie Meyer and all members present approved. b. Review the potential changes to the Treasure Valley Tres Dias Positions Manual. Section G. (Guidelines for Rector/Rectora). After discussion with agreement Jean Hershey motioned to except changes, 2nded by Chrystle Fuentes and all members present approved. c. Discussion about Sarah Odoms attending Tres Dias International and what financial support we will be provided. It was decided that we will pay Sarah’s way 100%. Because she is our delegate. Judy Barnes motioned to accept, 2nded by Chrystle Fuentes and all member present did not approve. There was one no. There was also a donation of $500.00 to help with Sarah’s travels. d. Trailer – we will continue to look for a bigger trailer. Adele Crownover says that Payette Nazarene still would like to buy our trailer. It was also discussed, that if Payette Nazarene want to use the trail and give us a love offering. 6) New Business a. Sequela’s Location and notification will go out through communication 2 week before Sequela and then a week before. This will be communicated of the Men and woman’s Face Book pages, on our web page and by email. b. Sequela the 24th of September will be hosted Canyon Springs Christian Church. October Sequela not confirmed. Waiting to hear from Abele Crownover about Payette Nazarene hosting Octobers Sequela. 7) Men’s weekend update: No update gives. Ron Hershey was not present. 8) Woman’s Weekend update: Teresa Waynetska, Discuss Donna Buckley and Bill Haes to be spiritual directors for the woman’s weekend. After discussion and if they will except. Motion was made by Chrystle Fuentes, 2nded by Jean Hershey and all members present approved 9) Closing prayer- Pastor Cate Treasure Valley Tres Dias
Secretariat Meeting Notes August 18th 2017 In attendance Jerod Odoms, Ron Hershey, Jean Hershey, Bob Steckly, Judy Barn, Angie Meyer and Chrystle Fuentes Non board members: Jerry Cates, Sarah Odoms, Teresa Waynestka 1) Call to Order by Jerod Odoms 2) Prayer – Give by Pastor Cates 3) Minutes, additions/corrections and approval – Read by Jerod Odoms. Ron moved to approve Minutes, Jean Hershey 2nded the motion all members present approved. 4) Treasurer’s Report – Bob presented Treasurers report with no change from last Secretariat with beginning and ending balance of $3791.25. Jean Hershey motioned to accept and 2nded by Ron Hershey all members present approved 5) Old Business a. Update from International – Jerod Odoms – After discussing with International and researching he was able to determine the Team position manual we currently use was voted on by the Secretarial, per international if the body has voted on it does apply and is our rules. Jean suggested that we update it due to the controversy it is causing. Jerod is going to to work on going thru it and finding gaps in it vs the bylaws and bring suggested changes back to the Secretariat for review/suggestions. b. New Trailer update from Adele – Trailers are averaging around 1700 to 2000 c. New Secretariat members welcomed. d. Insurance – Teresa transferred our insurance to Three Rivers this includes our Liability insurances, the trailer as well as some of the music equipment. 6) New Business a. Update from International - Sarah Odoms – Sara talked about her experience attending international in Houston b. National dues $140.00 due in Sept. Bob will send a check. c. Official TVTD Contact Information. – Jean will update Jerods Name to show for the official contact. Our new address is P.O. Box 15 in Payette Bob and Jerod will be the two members who have Keys to the P.O. Box d. Discuss Jerry Cate filling in as Spiritual director. There was discussion and this was discussed Ron motioned to approve, Judy 2nded it all members present approved e. Discuss Jerry Cate and Joel Rice as weekend spiritual directors this was discussed Bob motioned to approve both Jerry and Joel Jean 2nded all members present approved. f. Sarah has been asked to be a delegate of Tres Dias International on the Membership Committee. This was discussed, Judy motioned to approve and Ron 2nded it all members present approved g. It was discussed if the secretariat could help fund Sarah’s Travel costs to attend Tres Dias International gatherings since she is now an official delegate. This was discussed, Chrystle motioned that we approve to help in paying travel costs Bob 2nded it all members present approved. It was determined that when Sarah is planning her travels she will bring the costs to the board and we will look at what we can approve to help with. 7) Mens weekend update: Ron said Planning is going well. 8) Womans Weekend update: Teresa said planning is also going well. 9) Closing prayer In this past month, Lyn and I have been focusing our sermons on the gifts of the Holy Spirit in our lives and life of the church. We are now to the place in the study where we are reminded that there is an even better gift than all Paul has been teaching about previously—LOVE.
As part of our services we include something special for the children—they come up front and sit on the floor. Pastor Lyn usually does this but this Sunday I have something special to share with the children—the story of the Warm Fuzzies. There was a village that had a practice of sharing warm fuzzies with each other. As a result, their village was a happy, joyous, community. All of the people in the village got along very well. There was kindness, love, compassion, and justice. Every person in the village owned a special bag, given to them by their parents at the age of 3. Inside this bag were hundreds of warm fuzzies. Warm fuzzies were soft, cuddly, cottony little puffs. When you gave someone a warm fuzzy, they felt warm and fuzzy inside. People in the village gave each other warm fuzzies anytime they wanted to let someone know they were loved. When someone received a warm fuzzy, they put it in their bag. But then, like often in real life, a grouchy person, who looked at life negatively, came along and brought a bag of cold pricklies. This person spread the idea that if they continued to give out the warm fuzzies, they would soon run out. So, they should give out the cold pricklies instead. How easy to give out the pricklies—as we move into a controlling, critical spirit. But, then the joy and warmth goes away. There is a song that goes with this- Love is Something if You Give it Away
So, this Sunday, I am going to take the bags that someone lovingly made for me that will be filled with pom poms and give those to each child to have and share. But there will also be enough for the adults to have one—because it is just possible that we as adults are the ones who have forgotten about sharing warm fuzzies. This story/song is important in all areas of our lives but I believe it is especially important for us to remember as we work together in Tres Dias. Yes, you can probably find something to be critical about each of us if you focus on that. But, we can also each give our warm fuzzies to each other. And here is another thought: We can ask someone for a warm fuzzie—let them know we are in need of that warmth and love. And, A WARM FUZZIE TO EACH OF YOU. You are such a blessing to me. Spiritual Director Jean Hershey Fairly frequent in our today world we hear of someone needing medical intervention for a blockage, such as in blood vessel, or stenosis of some kind. If the issue is not taken care of, it leads to significant pain and/or death. The body needs the circulation of nutrients for survival. And, the body cannot take care of blockage on its own.
How true also in our spiritual life. The intervention needed for spiritual blockage is the Holy Spirit’s work infusing us with God’s love. We can never be spiritually healthy until we experience and let the love of God flow through us. This not only nourishes our own life but positively impacts those around us. Maybe, it is a heart transplant that is needed. The Trinity majors in those also! In the physical areas of life, there are symptoms and testing that can be done to identify blockages and indicate the need for medical intervention. Spiritually, although there are not tests that can be done, there are symptoms that indicate blockage in our spiritual life. And, just as physical blockages can damage tissue and lead to death, so, spiritual blockages can lead to spiritual death. Symptoms of spiritual blockage are varied and take on many facets—Some of the most striking and damaging are: Critical spirit; Complaining/negative spirit; Angry spirit; Holding on to grudges; Controlling spirit; and Seeing others as out to get you, are just a few. We can try on our own to change these thought patterns and behaviors. However, that process is often futile and/or with short lived results. God loves to restore our lives to how He created us—persons with love that make a difference in the world as well as experience good things for ourselves. Jesus said that He came that we might have life, and life more abundant. When we hold on to the old stories and patterns, we cannot access Abundant Life. The love of God is blocked by the above symptoms. And, so it is very sad and grieves God when these blockages happen in our lives so that His love cannot flow through us, nurturing others as well as ourselves. The spiritual interventions are:
Jeanie Hershey, Treasure Valley Tres Dias Spiritual Director Members of the Secretariat Present: Don & Adele Crownover, Jerod Odoms, Teresa Waynetska, Bob Steckley, Mike Hall, Jean Hershey and Judy Barnes
Members Not Present: Lyn & Jeanie Hershey Others Present: Ron Hershey *Just prior to the start of the meeting, Larry Phelps resigned his position as President of the Secretariat. Meeting Called to Order: Jerod called the meeting to order at 6:37 pm. Mike prayed. Minutes Read: The minutes of the last meeting were read. Jean motioned to accept the minutes as read, Don seconded. Motion carried, minutes approved. Treasurer’s Report: Bob read the Treasurer’s Report beginning balance $4,071.22. No income received and total expenses were $279.97 leaving the ending balance at $3,791.25. Teresa moved and Don seconded to approve the report as read. All were in favor and the motion carried. Bob presented a report showing the past 3 years income and expenses. He also prepared a tentative budget for 2018. This is helpful information that will be useful going forward when preparing for future weekends. OLD BUSINESS: Liability Insurance Update: Teresa will take the policy to a local agent for review and quotes for the future. Storage Rental: The trailer will be unloaded Saturday evening into one of the back offices of Ron’s building New Camp: This was tabled for now. Secreatary and Men’s Leader openings: There are several nominations for the position of secretary and one name submitted for men’s leader. The vote will take place at the July meeting. Rector/Rectora Qualifications: Jean completed the list of current and inactive members of Treasure Valley Tres Dias. It includes names, addresses, year of candidacy, positions served and talks given. This will be very helpful information when choosing future leaders as well as placing team members in places they have not had the opportunity to serve. NEW BUSINESS: Pre-weekend Committee: There was lots of discussion concerning the pre-weekend committee. Some of the documents appear to in conflict concerning the duties and who appoints them. The President will appoint this committee. Spritual Director Approval: Ron is interested in asking Larry L to lead the spiritual directors along with Joel Rice and Jerry Cate. Jerod motioned to approve these, Mike seconded and the motion carried. Secretary Book: The minutes binder is completely full. It was suggested that it be archived with whoever the current secretary is. It was also recommended to convert it to a digital copy at some point to have a back up copy in a separate location. ROUND TABLE: TVTD Mailing Address: Jean brought up the fact that there is no real official address for TVTD. It was suggested that we get a PO box and get all mail forwarded to the new address. Teresa will get the box opened, the secretary and the president will have the keys to the box. Jerod will talk to Larry about forwarding the mail to the box once the number is obtained. Mike motioned to get this done as soon as possible and Don seconded. All were in favor. Spiritual Directors: It was suggested that we start to look for nominations for new Spiritual Directors to sit on the board. Lyn and Jeanie are in Washington and will not be available to be hands on at meetings, secuelas, etc. Several options are Joel Rice, Jerry Cate and possibly Kurt Kaiser. Thank You Note: It was suggested that we send a personal thank you card to Larry for his service on the Secretariat. Adele will take care of this. TD International Meeting: Sarah will be attending the Tres Dias International meeting in Texas in July She will take lots of notes and present a report at a future meeting. Essentials Training: There was a discussion about added a 5 minute presentation on weekend essentials at each Secuela in order to get more information out in the community. It was agreed to and will start at the next Secuela June Secuela: Maggie and Sam will speak at the next secuela. President Position: There was discussion about the recently vacated president position and how to go about filling it. Judy moved that we move Jerod from the vice-president position to president effective immediately. Don seconded and the vote was unanimous. We will now be on the search for vice-president nominations. Next Secretariat Meeting: The next meeting will be July 21st @ 6:30 pm at the Salsa Grill. Mike moved to close the meeting at 8:13, Don seconded, motion carried. Ron prayed. By Gordon Quimby So, you are a brand new pescador coming off of a terrific Tres Dias weekend. You’ve had a three-day introduction to Tres Dias but you are not feeling well-versed as to what Tres Dias actually is. You know Tres Dias is good – you just aren’t sure how it works. So the question is: What is it you should know about Tres Dias? The first thing you should know is this: when you’ve just come off a weekend, you still haven’t experienced the best that Tres Dias has to offer! In fact, you have just scratched the surface. As the Essentials of Tres Dias put it: The Weekend is a tool of God, not an end in itself. The Weekend will not produce a permanent effect without Fourth Day activity. The Essentials go on to say: The purpose of the Weekend…is to prepare individuals for effective participation in the Fourth Day. Many think that the purpose of Tres Dias is to put on three-day weekends. After all, isn’t the name of the group Tres Dias? But the Essentials clearly say otherwise… the purpose of the three-day weekend is to prepare people to participate in the fourth day, their Christian walk after the weekend. Tres Dias seeks to bring people to a closer walk with our Lord Jesus Christ, to build leaders for the local church, and to empower people for apostolic action. You can’t expect to make a significant impact in all these areas in just three days. The Essentials make it clear that this is to be done in three phases, referred to as the preweekend phase, the weekend phase, and the fourth day phase. Together this is called the Tres Dias Method. The essential parts of the preweekend phase are that candidates have a desire for a closer relationship with their Lord Jesus Christ and that they be sponsored for participation in all phases of the Tres Dias Movement. Remember, Tres Dias is not just about a three-day weekend! The sponsor makes sure the candidate is prepared for the weekend and that any special needs are met, then continues the support during the weekend, through palanca and by being there for the person at the closing. Being away for three days can put a strain on the candidate’s family, and the sponsor will often seek to lessen the strain. Then, as the person enters the fourth day, the sponsor encourages the new pescador to attend secuelas and to be a part of an active reunion group. There is much the Essentials have to say about the weekend phase. These Essentials are vital in assuring the success of the weekends, but strangely enough, this is not really important for to you know now, as a new pescador just coming off your weekend. So let’s move on to what is most important to you now: the essentials of the fourth day phase. This is where you have the opportunity to experience the best that Tres Dias has to offer. This begins with being a part of a Reunion Group and is reinforced by attending Secuelas, the two primary aspects of the fourth day phase. Reunion groups take on many forms. The principal form is a small group that meets regularly; participants discuss how they are living lives of piety, study, and action. My first group took a different format. It was a monthly men’s group, larger than a typical reunion group, with a rotating leader who would be the speaker for the month. Some groups are based on Bible study, but many would say the classic piety, study, and action format is the more meaningful. Secuelas are one of the great gifts of Tres Dias. They offer an opportunity for the community to come together for an evening of joy, to be inspired by a witness talk, to break into small groups to share, and finally to join back together in sacred worship. Secuelas are uplifting evenings that fill our spiritual gas tanks as we prepare to return to our individual ministries. While reunion groups and secuelas are the two items spelled out in the essentials of the fourth day phase, they by no means represent all the fourth day has to offer. It is also essential that the community support each Tres Dias weekend. Here in Fairfield County; we do this through writing palanca, offering prayer palanca, singing at the mananitas, and attending closings. When you actively support weekends in this way, you learn firsthand how it is more blessed to give than to receive. Many feel the absolute BEST that Tres Dias has to offer is serving on a weekend team. It is essential that each team meet before the weekend to form its own loving community and to prepare for the weekend itself. These 8 to 10 meetings enable you to learn from and become close to twenty other leaders from other churches you may never had met otherwise. But that is just the warm up; it is the opportunity to give of yourself in service on the weekend itself that is truly a life-changing experience. Serving on team is also the primary way that the community builds leaders for the local church. When you serve on a team, you will be empowered for greater service in your local church. No question about it. Finally, as you come off of your weekend, you should know that you are now a part of a local community. This community offers many other opportunities to grow as a leader. It is essential that the community be led by a central body that assures the successful completion of the community’s activities. The board of the secretariat is where this takes place and while membership on the board is an elected position, many have learned that the best way to learn about Tres Dias is just to show up at the monthly meetings. So there you have it; everything you wanted to know about Tres Dias but were afraid to ask! Editor’s Note: Gordon is a member of the Tres Dias Fairfield County community and has served in various positions, including president. This article is one in a series of three he wrote on the Tres Dias Essentials. As I drove into the rest stop and parked near the Restrooms building, my attention was drawn to a man sitting on a stone wall, in between the men’s and the women’s bath rooms.
It wasn’t him that really caught my attention. Yes, his shirt was buttoned unevenly but who of us has not done that at some time in our life? What drew, and captivated my attention, was the tattered cardboard sign he held in front of him. In large, uneven, block letters made by a wide black felt pen were the words: “I’m barely surviving.” He went on to briefly “bless” veterans but the primary message was, “I’m barely surviving.” Inwardly I prayed for guidance. What do I do in this situation? It didn’t seem to be a setting where you just drop a coin in a hat or pan and then walk off. The situation and the impact on me seemed rather to urge me towards making connection with him in some way. But, how? Solution! Go use the restroom first and see if I had more direction when I came back out! The impression continued that I should make connection with him in some way. Continuing to pray as I walked towards him, still sitting on the wall and holding his sign, the thought that bombarded me was how this related to how we often live as Christians. We appear to be barely surviving in our lives. How could that be? Yet, I was reminded of the times when we whine, complain, etc. Jesus said He came to bring us Abundant Life and yet we can so easily live with a tattered sign in front of us saying, “Barely Surviving.” Ouch, Ouch. What is that all about? Why would we do that? Maybe it happens, when like Peter trying to walk on the water, we take our eyes off of Jesus and instead look at the waves around us. Back to the man with the sign. As I approached this man, I wondered if he knows the Lord and so I asked him. He said that yes, he knows the Lord and prays, but feels confused in his life. I had a Bible along I would have given him but he indicated he didn’t need it. His energy appeared to focus on negatives in his life, seeing others as neglecting him and causing him problems. I could think of various things that he could use his energy for but that was not my business. Rather, I felt directed to look at how easy it is for us to live with our own signs of “Barely surviving”. This year, due to Lyn having had complete left hip replacement two weeks prior, neither of us were able to take part in TD activities. What did I learn about the Women’s Weekend when I checked in with various persons? It depended widely on who I asked. If that person was a positive person in her life, I received a positive report about how wonderful it was. If the person I asked was one who tends to have more negative responses to other issues in life, the weekend did not sound nearly as positive. So, was it the weekend? Or was it how the individual perceived it? Was it survival or abundance? What sign do you, do I, carry? Barely surviving or Abundance? How do others observe us? What message do we give? Remember Jesus’ promise, “I am come that you might have life, and life more abundant.” Spiritual Director Jeanie Hershey Relationships are basically in every area of our live. Many of the same ideas apply to all areas but I want to focus today on marital/spousal relationships. It is amazing that the same area can either bring delight and health or it can be filled with pain and even destruction.
Have you ever wondered just why God would have put some people together? Or why, there would be such differences in those who fall in love with each other? In reality, these differences can bring strength to the relationship. Take the area of temperatures—who is cool, and who is hot? As one who is always on the cool side, it is amazing to me when someone comes into the area where I am in, announces that it is hot in there, and then proceeds to make it cool—open up the window, turn on the fan, turn on the air conditioner, etc. And, I think, “who says it is hot? I’m not”. It is now a practice that when we travel, I carry a blanket along so I can be warm (at least warmer) and Lyn can enjoy cooler air. One of my first questions when I get to Heaven, after I get through glorifying Jesus, saying Hi to friends, etc will be to ask if it would not have been much simpler to pair people up by temperatures—rather than such differences. Well, maybe that won’t be very important then! I know this doesn’t sound at all glamorous—nor is it—but to sleep well, most of the year, I sleep in a sweat outfit with an extra cover while Lyn sleeps with a sheet. Now, I know that is more than you wanted to know, but it truly illustrates the point. Is either of us wrong? No. But it is easy to act like the other must be out of whack with reality. Of course, I would never do that! Through the ages, most couples have faced an even more gigantic issue—one party likes to talk out things, and the other has nothing to say. One says to the other, “what are you thinking?” And, the other answers, “Nothing”. And the first person thinks that is the most absurd answer possible. How could anyone not be thinking? What goes on up there? And so, that answer becomes viewed as totally lacking in honesty and cooperation. They must not even care. And the other wonders why you would even ask. Why don’t you just let things go? As you well know, there are many, many more examples of differences—The differences and the resulting interactions may seem small but somehow the negative impact expands faster than yeast dough or the proverbial rabbit explosions. Simply put by many “experts” is that a man wants to be respected and a woman wants to know she is valued. Question is—who starts that process? If one does not feel valued, it is hard to respect. If one does not feel respected, it is hard to value. Someone has to be willing to take the first step. We cannot wait for the other to do what we want before we will do what they want. Crazy and complex! But, still the truth. OUCH! Actually, it really comes from within us as a person—who am I? What kind of person am I? If we wait on the other, it is going to be more chaotic and destructive than the Wood Duck in the wrong place in my last meditation. Having our needs met in a relationship is crucial. If not, it is often destructive of our persona. One key to that is to know what is important and then articulate that to the other—not as a demand but as a gift so that the other is aware. Is there a magic key? Yes. Nothing simple and yet it really is—the best I know is to turn it over to God. He greatly cares about our relationships. Claiming Scriptural promises allows Him to work in our lives. A great one for relationships is: Ephesians 2:14. “You, Jesus are our way of peace among our family members. You have broken down the enemy’s wall that used to separate us. All of us that used to be upset with each other are parts of You, and in that way, we have become one.” It doesn’t take me off of the hook but it steers me in the right direction. Use as needed! Spiritual Director Jeanie Hershey |
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